Scary Nuns & Demon Summoning | Catholic School Tales #3

By | September 6, 2019


Hello friends and welcome back to my floor that’s a fun new background and by new I mean I just brought it in here from my living room because my new roommate hates it I’m also wearing this shirt that says oregano the spice of life that someone sent to my PO box and presumably printed for the purpose of sending to my p.o box and I Appreciate that deeply when your subscribers are faster and making your merch than you are. Okay. Let’s just jump into it I get comments all the time about my tales from Catholic school videos. I get so many requests to do new ones it’s just something that Resonates with a lot of people because it’s in a way like I feel like my Catholic school was just uniquely terrible a lot of the time and there were things about it that we’re very very unique but at the same time growing up being gay or even just in general growing up in Catholic school is just such a It’s just such a time and people send me their own Stories about crazy shit that happened to them in Catholic school all the time. So I thought for this video I Put out an Instagram story asking like send me your best Catholic school stories. I want to do like a compilation of subscribers submitted stories and just so that all of us who grew up in Catholic school can have a Moment of bonding together, you know, I received so many messages I will definitely not be able to get through all of them in this video. I haven’t read too many of them actually I’ve skimmed my DM requests a little bit, but I would say most of these are still a mystery to me So this is just gonna be my genuine Having a time going through all of your stories and We can have this fantastic experience together. Hey there I have a lot of weird Catholic school stories But here is one we had this class called Seminar and so it was pretty much religion class We sat in hippy circles and talked about our feelings one day mrs Passive-aggressive. That’s what we call her took us outside and made us do. Jesus. Yoga. Oh my god This is exactly something that would have happened in my school at school dances. They would always yell up Keep Jesus between you ours was keep room for the Holy Spirit or leave room for the Holy Spirit or something They used to say to us. So keep Jesus between here you got a hat when you’re slow dancing with your arms straight out on a boy’s shoulders like this in middle school you have to Have enough room between you for an adult male Jesus but you ain’t you Because that’s way less creepy than kids dancing with already like a foot of space between them We would print the beginning of every religion class and me and my two friends didn’t participate in our teacher yelled at us for not praying she brought the vice-principal in to yell at us a Different religion which is true to what she told us We had to pray because it wasn’t our choice and we couldn’t choose Because everyone else had to pray a different part of the year was that she told all the girls? That once we were married our husbands own our bodies And she also said that we must have as many children as our husbands want and if we don’t have kids we would go to Hell no Boy, this is interesting because now I’m wondering what would have happened in my school if anyone had ever refused to pray or refuse to Participate religiously because that never happened in my school even those of us who didn’t kind of just went along with it We had a priest speak at our graduation who told us that our purpose was basically to go make Catholic babies So I get that last one that was that was definitely a thing also The reason I left was because my principal wouldn’t do anything about bullying and told me I was mentally unstable for being upset about it Jesus Christ, so I got a message from a kid who goes to my old high school asking me where the boiler room is Which I feel like the instructions were pretty clear In an old video that I made so Godspeed bye dudes, and also I don’t want to incriminate myself too much I’m not sure I’m comfortable directly giving kids advice on how to break their school rules and probably get in a lot of trouble not Catholic school But I was home-schooled that’s worse and took some classes once a week at this Christian co-op Once I wore a pink shirt that was slightly sheer and a white tank top underneath it All’s well and good, but I was also wearing a black bra and you could see the black bra strap I was dress coded for it and they made me wear a shirt that said I like this shirt It hides the dirt a shirt that said I like this shirt. It hides the dirt I had an experience in I believe this was seventh grade. I tried it okay, so I was it was like a dress down day so we weren’t in our uniforms that day and I was wearing a Tank top. They had told us that Wearing a tank top with like a three-finger with strap was fine. As long as it wasn’t spaghetti straps It wasn’t too scandalous but so I was wearing a tank top with like thick straps my I’m like a Twelve-year-old kid like regardless of what I was wearing. It shouldn’t have been sexualized but apparently you could see my bras like the strap of my bra as well and My teacher called me out in front of the entire class and was just like I can see your bra. That is scandalous Go put your gym shirt on and hide the scandalous bra and meanwhile I’m like a literal child in a room full of literal children And this adult is like too scandalous too sexual and I was just like I felt so uncomfortable That like I Was a child and regardless that part of it did not dawn on me at the time I was born just like mortified over being cold out in front of my entire class for a bra strap showing Religious people and bra straps is very much a thing Then there was the time I discovered my school had an elderly woman living inside of it that no one knew about Oh my god I was walking to my car when my mom came to pick me up and I saw into the window of what I thought was the teachers lounge and the face of an old woman with white hair and glasses I double taked and then she was gone blinds closed. I wrote it off as just me seeing things find out a week later Nope She was real Apparently all the nuns knew about this and my principal sister Linda took her in because she had no family to take care of her So actually kind of sad but straight up an old woman that they hid within plain sight in an elementary school. I mean it’s kind it’s kind of wholesome the nuns just took in this old woman who didn’t have anywhere to go like that’s that’s not like Sexualizing twelve-year-old very different types of weird. You know what I’m saying? Uh, Also the nuns at my school lived in the convent up the hill that was exactly how my school was Well, it wasn’t up a hill. It was just like down a path, but there was a convent behind our school as well So the best part of school were Fridays as a fifth to sixth grader because if the sisters thought you’d been good enough that week You get a ride up the hill with them in this big-ass van full of groceries and help them unload and put it away in Their kitchen they were like whole packs of ten year olds ferociously unloading this van racing to the kitchen idk But this may child labor fun as hell. Okay? But like it’s that’s kind of wholesome as well though Right once in my Christian school a teacher threw a box at a kid and then proceeded to preach about respect go I have so many of these stories context I go to the Catholic state-run secondary school in Scotland Oh damn, it’s a pretty progressive country in general and that definitely bleeds through into the school But there are some hardcore religious teachers who come out with some awful one-liners and teaching points on the regular Including but not limited to a French Including but not limited to a French teacher telling her class that they could lie to her about doing their homework But they couldn’t lie to God because he would see to their corrupt Souls. Also. We have Ari I’m assuming religious education Religious education teachers who told us that the love of two men can never be considered equal to a man and a woman for raising A family this same religious education teacher is extremely misogynistic It also goes without saying that there is no form of education regarding LGBT issues or sex ed Yeah Basically, all of the sex ed that we got in our school was it was basically just you will get pregnant and die These are all of the STDs you can get here’s a video of a woman giving birth Just to terrify you in my Catholic school They had to put up a sign in the girls bathroom That says one person per stall please because they always call it girls hooking up in there There was this one glorious time during test week. Nothing exciting ever happened during this so my friend decided to spice things up He went to the library and tried to summon a demon into the school I’m not sure if it went well because I only saw it on the security cameras for questioning of the Situation either way he was suspended for three weeks. Damn. That’s Howard Gore when we were eight We had to take in school lessons at the local church to prepare us for a First Holy Communion And the Muslim kids had to participate Although they weren’t during their communion looking back. I realize how fuck that was I actually never did any of like the first communion confirmation stuff as well as my parents aren’t religious. It was just my school so in Eighth grade, I believe that’s the year that you do your confirmation Yeah, like a big part of our religion class curriculum was like preparing for your confirmation and a couple of us we’re just not doing it and it was like Hey, how do we pass this class the teacher was thankfully understanding but it was just awkward and I remember like asking my mom if I could do it and like I wanted to It’s so fuck that like just because of like my school environment and like just cuz everyone was doing it I was like, yeah, I gotta go like get my first Union so I can like fit it at school Remember feeling like that my grade seven and eight because I whenever we would had have church I wouldn’t like take the communion wafer either. Um And I was just like I’m weird kid because I’m not like religious It was just like the dumb and Thomas thing ever like kids want to feel normal. Whatever okay, so in Catholic school One of the sisters literally beat a girl with the back of her Bible because she thought she was talking about sex when she was Really just telling my friend about her saxophone recital that was coming up I walked in one day and everyone was staring at me and I said well Okay then and then the school me and girl walked up to me and was like you’re gay and Held up a freaking picture of me and my girlfriend kissing on the bus I don’t even know how she did it But she managed to show most of the people in our grade and all of the people she didn’t tell her from the people well she did tell is that sure that’s Wild I’m giving all of these stories the benefit of the doubt but that’s like some wild shit she just holds up a printed picture or maybe she like had it on her phone and held it did she say it was a Printed picture what was said if she like held up the picture on her phone, that would be less weird like she’s took a secret creepy picture, but if she hadn’t printed out like physical a Girl changed her tampon in the middle of a test because she got mad that our nun teacher wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom My parents sent me to an all-girls Catholic school because they didn’t want me to get a boyfriend to use later I brought my girlfriend home. Oops. Oops When I was in eighth grade I had to go to the high school across the street for math classes as I was walking in there was this mannequin wearing a felt blanket with a hole cut out for the head and A sign taped on to it reading modesty poncho basically if the school thought your prom dress was too revealing They’d put your head over your dress. I look like a goblin gotta sit up like a Respectable youtuber. I had this one teacher for seventh grade who was kind of crazy we did a history lesson about ancient to paint in Japan and she had a full real-life katana her closet in the classroom along with A kimono and everything mind you she’s very white. She was also like oddly obsessed with Genghis Khan She once said that if she could have dinner with any dead person it would be with him Confucius and Jesus Christ himself She was also the strictest teacher about our school uniform especially mass days Which was every Wednesday plain white collared shirt plaid skirt black dress shoes and socks that covered up your ankles and people hated the socks rule so she kept like old smelly socks in her closet along with the katana and Would make people wear them if their socks weren’t long enough for our uniform We had knee socks but a lot of the time they would like Kind of fall down or people would roll them down on really hot days and we’d always get yelled at the polar socks up Not because our calves were particularly scandalous, which is the implication here But just because it wasn’t proper uniform if your socks were rolled down. I think that’s so bad Once that the principal literally came into our classrooms and would check and measure the length of our socks to make sure they were appropriate They also hyper focused on the girls because of sexism. Oh, it was a co-ed school See my school was just girls and yet they still pulled all kinds of sexist bullshit This isn’t really a story because I have tried to cancel out all the stories from my Catholic elementary school But I remember us being told that we all had doughnuts for hearts because Jesus wasn’t there They told us we had to be worthy and actually want Jesus in our heart or we would forever have a hole I remember being so distraught about there being a hole in my heart as a child that I literally begged Jesus to fill the hole years later I’m perfectly content with having no Jesus in my life the hole in my heart has been filled with beautiful memes Thank you for coming to my TED talk. There’s a kid who was always kind of an ass to me He comes up to me while I was playing basketball with my friend and shoves my friend to the ground and starts coming for me So all these years built-up anger came out and I shoved him back We got into a whole ass fight until the upperclassman starts yelling You guys are disappointing Jesus stop with Jesus hardest friends a teacher that noticed what’s happening and comes over to stop us We then don’t get an actual punishment for fighting or disrupting our classmates We just get a talking to you about how disappointed Jesus is in us and that we need to pray really hard for his forgiveness Okay Okay so at my high school you had to take a religion class every year and now the classes would vary on how Bearable they were depending on which teacher you had big same at my school Senior year, I had one of the bad teachers he wasn’t mean or anything like that He just said the absolute weirdest shit For example, when asked about why it’s so bad if gay people got married he responded you shouldn’t play baseball with a golf club Saying you need the right equipment for marriage So weird stuff like that. One thing he said that was especially odd was on the topic of contraception So obviously it’s whack that the Catholic Church is against contraception especially condoms. So he was explaining to our class how condoms take away the intimacy of sex he explained to a girl sitting in front if I was meeting your dad and went to shake his hand with a rubber glove on Wouldn’t that be weird and take away from the handshake super uncomfortable? Anyway, Catholic school is wack. But the stories are at least entertaining hyper to hear more wacky stories from the fellow gays Have a good day a big fan of your videos. Thank you very much for that message. It was fantastic We played Charlie Charlie. Are you there? And the kids who actually believed in God screamed and freaked out and they held an assembly telling us the dangers of meddling with demonic forces hint It was just my friend blowing on a pencil to freak people out People got tired of the school being badly run so they left really long at Google reviews Complaining about how the place was in the grip of the devil. Oh boy Google reviews is that the most effective way to You know they did they didn’t complain to the school administration they left a Google review All right, then so Complaining about how the place was in the grips of the devil and the director was consumed by greed and they called an assembly Claiming that they were being cyber attacked and that the devil was using these people as a vessel of destruction to hinder the world Word of God the students were all pissing themselves laughing. Of course one time for the stinkle adoration Jesus Christ adoration I am Triggered this thing called adoration where the priest holds up the gold shiny thing with the bread Jesus thing Yeah The Sun looking thing with the Jesus bread and I know the thing The entire school had to kneel on the gym floor for about an hour just staring at it silently Everyone had so much knee pain after also in seventh grade We had to sign this paper saying we thought abortion was bad our school of briefly I don’t know if it was like a specific religion class that I was in or if it was the outreach club that like the person writing it wanted to like make us go on a school field trip to the March for Life to Participate in that and a bunch of us were like, yeah fuck. No our @array shouldn’t things we’re also just very weird I I’m sure I mentioned in a previous video the video I made with my friend Lola the crazy nun who took over our school for A year used to make us like she would hold the like the Sun thing up and chant Thank you, Jesus over and over again. Just Super calls II just thank you. Jesus holding this up and would just march around the school and make the entire school There was like 200 kids in the entire school, but we would all have to like process through the halls. Just chanting Thank you. Jesus following this crazy not holding up the thing That she also made us do some adoration periods where we just sat there listening to like Christian pop music It was like the most painful hour of my life one teacher got ahold of the history textbooks and literally ripped out the pages on evolution slash the origin of man and then my teacher Got mad and told us all anyway and did a class project on the Disney movie dinosaur in which we made Prehistoric landscapes out of clay. So at least you got one saying teacher that was kind of My school the science teacher taught us evolution very much believed in evolution. Although it came teaching evolution came with a disclaimer She was like, I’m sorry like if this is against any of your beliefs, but like this is the approved curriculum And I’m gonna teach evolution. I’m sorry if I offend anyone as if any of the students were really that insanely religious they weren’t like none very few students were we’re super religious and the ones that were like people Kind of side-eyed them a little bit or at least my friend grabbed effing Italy sighted them We were at school confession ones in the church and my grade was talking loudly The teachers kept telling us to stop but nobody listened Of course after about five minutes and extremely annoyed priest walks up to the altar and screams. No talking It’s Jesus time right now into the microphone and I was the only one who laughed hysterically We were genuinely taught that men have one less rib than women because God took Adam’s rib to make Eve This was presented as a total medical fact wasn’t until recently. I found out it wasn’t true Not particularly funny, but we were forced to measure each other skirts and then report anyone who went above basically being in a nunnery We also had a teacher get fired for attending choice rally after the Alabama abortion ban We also had the skirt measuring thing. I believe three inches above the knee was the permitted Leg skin amount you were allowed to show Even though most people rolled their kilt up now if you’re super uncool, and we’re traumatized by Catholic school Let me explain to you a thing about kilts girls roll them up like you The waistband of the skirt you can roll so that the shirt the skirt goes shorter This is English words. So a lot of girls who wanted to make their uniform look a little bit more stylish Would roll the kilts so that their skirts would be shorter even I think I used to roll mine up But only once I would do one roll, so it’s still classy. I didn’t get called out for it too much by the teachers Thank you to everyone who sent me their Catholic school tales, even if I did not get to them I appreciate them. All I feel a deep solidarity with everyone who had to suffer through Catholic school as well I will see you in another video a Very special video next week my friends

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